No matter how pathetically you beg and plead I will never-ever even show you my weiner, never mind let you touch it, so don't ask.

My dog barks some.

I am not afraid to admit that sometimes I eat boogers, but only the big juicy ones and never if they are my own.

Last year at Christmas time I went to McDonalds and ordered my food. Once it was ready, I took the tray to a table and sat down. I'm sitting there trying to eat and I notice this homeless guy sitting at an empty table across from me, with no food, just sitting there staring at me. Then I realize that they forgot to give me my fries, so I go up and ask them to give 'em to me. They do, and I go back to my table and guess who is sitting there? The homeless guy eating my Big Mac (he had already devoured my McNuggets) and he's just smiling and laughing at me. I considered kicking his ass, but it was Christmas, so instead I go tell the manager. The manager says "Oh, I'm sorry, he's a homeless guy and sneaks in here and does this all the time, but I'll replace your food and give you a free apple pie free of charge". So I get my NEW food and go sit at a table across form the homeless guy. I'm staring at him giving him the stink eye while he finishes my burger. He notices, and I guess I unnerved him, because he gets up and leaves. Then I realize that in his haste to get out of there, he left one of his bags behind. So I steal his bag and look inside and guess what is in there? A wrapped Christmas gift in really expensive gold paper! So I quickly finish my food and go drive home to open the gift. hahah. You will never guess what was in the gold wrapped Christmas gift! It was full of bullshit, just like this entire story.